(Poem 6)

When you are little,
The world is just a place. 
A time for exploration.
A wide, open space.

You aren’t afraid to try
‘Cause you aren’t afraid to fail. 
The wind won’t push you over. 
When you trip, you always sail.

As a child you don’t question, 
Why’s the world so kind to me? 
You often fail to notice
Most things the eyes can’t see.

Like the laboring of your father 
Just so you can eat a meal. 
The tired hands of your mother 
Who knows just how to heal.

You feel so well protected,
So you don’t have to think,
‘Til you lose someone important, 
And life changes in a wink.

The heroes you were raised by, 
You’ll find they’re human too. 
When life comes for their throats, 
Only you can fight for you.

Only you can fight for you,
And now you must fight for them. 
Mom needs someone who can heal. 
Dad needs you to be his friend.

And you’re thinking “What the hell?” 
As you cry yourself to sleep.
You knew your heart would break, 
But the scars were much more deep.

No one had ever told you 
Death takes more than a life.
 It steals the family that you knew. 
A piece of everybody dies.

Your mom is not the same,
For a part of her has left.
She’s screaming in her bedroom. 
Her heart’s bleeding in her chest.

She doesn’t want to help herself 
And she cannot leave her bed,
So your sucking back your fear, 
While making sure that she gets fed.

“Momma, I’m so scared.
I don’t know how to make it better.” 
“Please drink some more water, 
This pain won’t last forever.”

Nothing could prepare you
For the look in her eyes,
When you asked her to live for you 
And she shook her head and cried.

Instantly you grew older,
The kid died within your heart. 
You fumbled for a scrap of hope 
In this new life you must start.

But you won’t give up on her, 
You’ll read her Scripture every day. 
It’s her spirit being conquered,
So all you can do is pray.

Because your dad is not the same, 
As he bore the weight of choice. 
Decisions fell upon his shoulders, 
And he lost his baby boy.

Not knowing how to help himself, 
He needed to talk it out.
You would shoulder every detail 
Of the never-ending spout.

Your brother was his friend, 
Now dad walked this path alone. 
So if you did not step up,
He would have no place to go.

You thought you listened well, 
So anger flooded in your veins 
When conversations ended 
And liquor drowned the pain.

You needed someone to hold you, 
To take care of mom and more. 
Dad’s spirit needed solace,
So his pain was yours to bore.

You covered him in blankets,
And stayed up in the night.
You were hopeful that he’d stop, 
But you prayed with all your might.

You’re so sorry for feeling bitter, 
For feeling anything at all.
It felt wrong to mourn the loss 
Because you didn’t bear the fall.

Your parents were so strong 
Doing the best that they could do. 
Grief was nothing personal,
Not reflective of love for you.

But my word did it feel lonely
Like it would never end.
Some moments you wished it were you 
So your mind would just pretend.

If it were you instead of him, 
You’d have had 18 years of bliss. 
You wouldn’t have to suffer, 
Wouldn’t see the family like this.

The truth is it does change.
Our broken pieces show,
But the path of many goodbyes 
Is more beautiful than you know.